So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
