If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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