In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
