I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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