and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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