Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
