You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
