I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
