my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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