Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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