Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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