Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
