i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
