Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
