its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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