When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
