I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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