I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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