remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
