This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
