I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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