This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
