Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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