Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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