I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
