I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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