I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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