I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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