let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
