Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
