i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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