Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
