i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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