To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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