just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
