I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
