Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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