I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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