i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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