Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
