After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
