Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
