I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
