I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
