I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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