I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that's an acceptable place to lick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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