Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
