I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
