i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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