My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
