Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
