Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
