he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
