What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
